“Social Work”

Termination seems like a really harsh word to me. It's a whole phase in the therapeutic process of clinical social work. It involves a lot of preparing clients for what's next in their lives, its reviewing goals, its future planning and safety planning and also an ethically mandated process. I'm not a fan of endings in general, or making a big deal about them but I am supposed to be graduating in a few weeks, and one of my professors had asked us to find something that represents where we feel we are in our process of becoming “social workers”, and I guess that led me back to writing to you. 

A lot of my classmates are passing their licensure exams and celebrating their new positions, many getting hired to the agency that they worked in their field placement. And it is fun to celebrate them and who they are and all they are doing. Many of them, I think, will be exceptional,  and have this deep intellect, and care for the field and it seems like they really know what they want and they are going out and getting it. And I really admire who they are and what they are doing.

I just don't feel like I really know what I am doing, or supposed to be doing, or if I should be doing anything at all. 

And I don't really know what being a “social worker” means to me. 

I really don't like tests and I am kind of convinced that the whole licensing thing is a scam, and taking the test itself is pretty expensive, and even if I could I anticipate taking it at least 2-3x, and every time you attempt to take the test you have to pay 260$. And they do have a different way of getting licensed where you don't have to take the exam, but it takes years to get to the same place as those that pass the 4 hour test. It's a big commitment and I don't know what I want to do tomorrow let alone a few years from now. 

And I love learning about people and their lived perceptions and experiences in the world, but I don't like diagnosing people. It feels weird and wrong, and presumptuous and I have a lot of issues with the whole medical model itself. And I think sometimes, in social work, it's really easy to feel like you have to “fix” something or someone.

And there is much “fixing” that needs to happen in most levels of the system in which we live but I’d much rather enjoy a cup of coffee with people, or read a book they feel connected to, or talk about their favorite artists or read their writing or just connect with people in a deeply human way.

All the other stuff, the loopholes of insurance, and the westernized academic theories and models, maybe it's naivete or my stubbornness, but I just can’t really seem to make amends with. 

Thankfully, I do have a job set up for after graduation and it's not technically as a “social worker”, but I get to meet with college students. And they share their struggles with me, and I get to sit with them as we talk about their disabilities, or their life situation and all the ways they are fighting to get their degrees. And I help them do that.

I get to fight with them in a way that is different from a clinical therapist, but still very special to me. 

And it's not a job that is technically “working toward” anything, there's not really an end goal.

But I like sitting with my students, and I like celebrating their victories, and I don't get anxious thinking about the things I have to do, and I am able to sleep better at night and I can always find what I need because it's online and traceable.

It is calm and I like calm. 

And I still have energy to write, listen to music and spend time connecting with art and people. 

And even though I’m not, in all technicality, a social worker. I think this job is something good, and I think it creates good things, and at the moment I think it might make me a better person living in this world. 

I guess when I think about social work, I don't really think about licenses, or if someone got their 4,000 hours of supervision, or what hood they wore at their graduation, or their LinkedIn Profile or all the crazy abbreviations that come in their email signature or what they are supposed to mean.

When I think of “social work” I think of all the ways that I see people promote social change, or empower one another in ways that make their worlds better. Or more just. Or more meaningful. Or more connected.

I think about some of my favorite authors and artists whose words empower entire generations of people to be better, to do better, and to bond over the shared trauma of human existence. I think of all the communities, and individuals coming together to help protect and educate one another from policies that impact their neighbors' security and safety. Or all those shouting on behalf of the lives silenced in Gaza. 

Or I think of the first professor who really cared about what I wrote and helped me find my voice again. Or the other professor who helped me navigate the loss of my health insurance, to ensure I could still receive mental health services between jobs, and made sure I didn’t give up when I wanted to quit the program a month ago. 

I think about my elementary student at my field placement who writes me letters and gives me a hug at the end of our sessions. Or the 8th grade boy who tells me about how much he loves his family and how he connects with Tyler the Creator. And all the friends who laugh with me, or send sweet notes, or pray with me, or who just enjoy the presence of one another. 

Sometimes I even think about my favorite gas station worker at the Holiday on the corner, who always asks about what I am up to. Or that one guy who likes to play his little guitar at my favorite coffee shop every Tuesday. Or when I watch complete strangers do something kind for someone else. Something that reminds me that we are all in this fight called “life” together. 

I am still not really sure what being a “social worker” means but I like to think there is a world where we could all be social workers.